- NOTICE -

This blog now only contains some of my previous entries and will be updated once in awhile with fun read entries.

Check out my new blog for regular updates from me.

7th Month Jobs

I had a a chat with the King of Hades yesterday, on Windows Live Messenger. He complained to me that the living world has been burning things like cars, handphones and gold watches to them. But they're all incomplete.

You guys burn cars, but you didn't burn petrol. You guys burn handphones, but you didn't burn SIM card. You guys burn gold watches, but you didn't burn batteries.

But his main motive was to hire people to work for him during the 7th month.

Here's your chance to earn some quick bucks!

The jobs available are:

1. Cleaning Squad

This woman worked there last year and she haven't been seen ever since.

This job requires you to clean Hell while the spirits are away. You will have to make sure that the place becomes sparkling clean by the end of the month.

2. Spirits Traffic Control Officer (STCO)

Yes, the STCO last year was an animal. He too, has not been seen until now.

Your responsiblity is to ensure that there won't be jam at the Main Gate of Hell. You will only need to work on the first and last day on the 7th month.

3. Webpage Designer

This woman was murdered, after failing to meet expectations from the King of Hades.

This job is simple, just create a webpage for Hell. They just want to keep up with technology.

If you're interested in any of the above jobs, please e-mail KingOfHell@iLoveYou.com with your resume.

You can kiss my butt if you believe this post.

Initial D - Beaten By Me

Yesterday night, I met up with the driver of AE 86 for a duel. AE 86 was the king of racers in the anime/movie Initial D.

His vehicle was modified with a good racing engine, but it's the driver skills that counts. Take a look at my vehicle.
My modified vehicle, sprayed pink for a fierce look, comes with some rabbit stickers rather than the lame chinese words on the AE 86. A carefully tuned suspension was added to maximize my speed when drifting.

The seat is made of leather for comfort when driving. All useless parts such as doors and aircons are removed so that my fierce machine will go faster than before because of the lightweight.

Such a good racing machine, how can I not win?

My Chat With Sadako - Part 1

Sadako is a famous long-haired woman that starred in The Ring. I managed to have a small chat with her when she came out of my TV during Christmas. I was watching Jurassic Park IV when she crawled out. I throwed my packet of popcorn at her and did some wrestling moves on her.

Sadako: Sorry lah boy, not purposely one right! Beat me for fuck sia.
Me: Shut up you smelly woman, dirty my hand. Hair also don't know how to cut.
Sadako: What smelly? I just changed my clothes this morning okay! My hair I rebond cannot?
Me: Why must cover your face? You very ugly right?

Sadako: I UGLY!? YOU DARE SAY I UGLY? YOU WANT TO SEE MY FACE?
Me: YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SHOUT? SHOW YOUR FACE LAH!

Me: Hehehe, hello.
Pretty Sadako: Now, what?
Me: You no need so fast go back TV right?
Pretty Sadako: Not so fast. Lazy to squeeze myself in. Your TV so fucking small.
Me: Oh, come we go walk walk at the beach. Hehehe.
Pretty Sadako: I just come out from water (she lives in a well), you ask me go see water again.
Me: Alright. Movie? King Kong?
Pretty Sadako: NO! He reminds me of my ex-boyfriend.
Me: I be your new boyfriend lor. Hehehe.
Pretty Sadako: Hmmmm...

To be continued...

Exclusive: Jurassic Park IV

The latest Jurassic Park movie was Jurassic Park III that was shown in 2001. Director Joe Johnston has recently announced a new movie which will be titled "Jurassic Park: Who Ate My Vegetables?"

Over here, I have the exclusive news and pictures for the new movie.

The Movie Poster

This will be the poster for the new movie which is currently in the making. The filming location is over at Bukit Timah Hill in Singapore. Barney has been chosen to take on the role as the lead actor in the new movie because Joe Johnston thinks that with Barney's fierce looks, the show would be a hit.

Alongside Barney, Baby Bop and BJ would also be in the movie.

The movie has a twist in the plot. Because, in this movie, it's no longer Dinosaur eat Man. This movie will be about Barney and his friends go on a search for their missing vegetables and they have to escape from humans who hunt dinosaurs for their meat. What fate awaits Barney and his friends? Will they find their vegetables and have a happy ending? Or will Barney end up in a bowl of soup? Watch the movie to find out.

Remember, you seen it here first!

Note: You guys are a bunch of idiots if you believe this

Got Hair?

Why you should never raise your arms in public places.

Don't stare at my armpit!

You'll never know if there is anybody taking a picture of you.

Nice Cake Makes Me Puke

On Saturday, we all celebrated my sister's birthday in advance. My mum bought a small cake for us to eat.

Slurp, Yum Yum!

Nice cake, even with my favourite cherries on top. Yummy!

Fuck.

But, such a sight makes me have no mood for the cake anymore.

Stupid Questions

Yesterday, I was forced to cut my hair by my dad because I lost a bet with him. I went to the shop for my haircut.

Lady: Boy, jian tou fa arh? (Boy, cutting hair?)
Me: Arh. (Yes.)

What a stupid question. During the haircut, I thought to myself what if I answered it my way.

Lady: Boy, haircut?
Me: No lah, I want to buy laksa.
Lady: We don't sell laksa here.
Me: Oh, what about chicken rice?
Lady: Excuse me, this is a saloon and we don't sell food.
Me: Alright, give me a can of coke then.
Lady: FUCK YOU! GET OUT!

I went to school today and one of my friend asked me...

Friend: Eh, you go cut hair?
Me: No la, my hair drop.

Typical idiots with their stupid questions.

I've Grown

Spot me and win! Hint: I'm in this photo.

I saw this picture and my memories of my primary school years came back. Running away by the back door during class, playing soccer with my friends who look down on me because I wasn't good back then. Our fun times together...

Spot me and win! Hint: The boy squatting down beside looks like a straighten banana taking a shit.

2005, I'm with a whole different bunch of people. This pic was taken on Tuesday before the soccer match. Gary Wong is about to leave for Hong Kong and we don't know if we'll see him again. Good luck Gary in whatever you do! We'll miss you.

Match Day

Today's match was CVSS (Compassvale Secondary School) vs CVSS Alumni (Alumni means Ex-Cvss Students [Graduates]).

*bish* "You think you lesser hair than me I scared you!?"

When the refree blew the whistle, I started punching my opponent. Wait, it was suppose to be a soccer match.

"Why yellow card? I thought it was supposed to be a boxing match!"

Anyway I didn't punch my opponent. Don't ask me to write out what happen during the match. I didn't bother to remember. You think I would keep thinking on what to write on my blog when playing? I was putting my mind on the match. We've to win this.

"Don't show me your monkey face. At least show me a cow's face. Reminds me of milk."

All I remembered was the ball was hard and I've to keep heading the ball. Now, my head still hurts.

Teammate: Please Joseph, can I kiss you? I need the motivation.
Joseph: Alright mate. Do what you want... and I will charge accordingly, pay by cash only.

Gary Wong scored 3 goals and Gary Lim scored only just one. The final score was 4-3. After that match, we overheard those bunch of fucking sore losers saying "Such team also we can lose".

Big M - Strawberry Milk

I went down to 7-11 just now to see if I could get anything. I saw this really cool bottle at the bottom right of the fridge. Strawberry Milk! No more small stupid packets of Strawberry Milk for me.

Big M Strawberry Milk - Brings Out The Real Man in You

It cost $1.95 and you can even keep the nice bottle after finishing the milk. Should I use it in school?

Little Brother. Not that little brother.

I watched this show at Mum's place. I'm too lazy to write about it. I give this show 3 out of 5 stars. But, I would always remember this show that really makes me want to cry, left a deep impression in me. Little Brother doesn't.

My Secret Recipe

The four of us went to Compass Point to study. Ming Xuan, Chew Mui, Rajiv and me. We were supposed to be studying at the library but I received a call that to meet them at Burger King. I thought "Here goes my studying plan". Sure enough when I reached there, I didn't have any mood to study.

What happens when you've a friend working at Burger King counter? Yes, a lot of food for almost no price.

I think the Burger King in Compass Point will have to close down because of the loss they made today. We took a lot of stuffs. Ice Milo, burgers etc. Since there was so much food, I decided to create my own recipe, Joseph's Mashed Potatoes.

What you need is simple. Some fries...

Put all of them into your mouth and start chewing. Spit out the contents. The mashed potatoes is done.

To add design and flavour, take a french fries (or french fry?) and an onion ring and stuff them on top.

Final step, stuff everything into your mouth. Enjoy!

If Life Was A Traffic Light

People face obstacles in their life. Be it minor or major problems, they'll have to solve it somehow. I'm going to throw away the funny side of me in this post and write about something serious. I'm sorry if I bore you with this post... Wait! Why should I say sorry? If you're not interested, get lost.

If only life was in the form of a traffic light. Why?

I can change my colour, my mood, as and when I like. Green, Orange (I don't think they call the middle one "orange") and Red. These colours can represent my mood and I will stay green (happy) all the time. The cars (my life) can go past smoothly. If I turn red (bad mood) one day, the cars (my life) and the drivers (my family and friends) will come to a halt and won't be able to continue smoothly like it did before. I would rather stay green.

If only life was in the form of a traffic light. Why?

I can have a direction to tell me where I should move. I wouldn't be stuck in a place because I don't know how to move on. I can also tell another person in need. Everybody would be moving towards that direction and life wouldn't be so complicated. But if somebody decides to move against the direction, the only result is that he will get knocked down by a car because he made the wrong decision.

If only life was in the form of a traffic light. Why?

We will get to know when we're going to die. 19 seconds, 19 minutes, 19 hours, 19 days, 19 weeks, 19 months, 19 years. If we get to know when're we going to die, we can do what we want to do and die without any regrets.

If only life was in the form of a traffic light. If only.

But we aren't. We have got to decide our mood, we have got to find our direction in life. Although we can't get to know when we'll die but we can grab the opportunity and do what we want to do.

Cheer up "twin". This post is partly for you too. I don't know how come I can write so complicated stuffs also. Smile always!

Note: I spent 50mins of my life writing this post. Even though you only need 5 minutes to read it, I hope the contents will stay with you guys (and girls, and you "twin) for a long long time.

Revenge Is Sweet

Still remember this post? I said will hate this red hair stupid idiot who is such a bad role model for innocent people like me. I think people have helped me get my revenge on him by using his *ahem* as an ashtray.

What a guy he is. To be still able to smile when you've a burnt *ahem* (I was talking about his pants) is good. But, I still hate you.

To McDonald's Management: I did not burn him there. I didn't mean to influence people to help me burn him there. It was never my intention. All I did was draw on his butt with my permernant marker when I was young. I licked it clean already.

Prata Land

Yesterday we all went down to Jalan Kayu for dinner.

As usual, there was Mee Goreng and Milo Dinosaur for me. Going down to Jalan Kayu doesn't mean you must eat Roti Prata right? If that's the case, go Geylang must find girl?

Actually before going there, they have already planned to whack me 16 times because I "escaped" on Wednesday. Rajiv sent a SMS to everyone of them - except me of course. But, since I've the brains of a good policeman. I knew about their plan, but I act as if I don't know anything.

This photo was taken secretly. The next few you're about to see was taken secretly too.

Please don't feel shy about seeing your pictures up here. I've no intention to take them. It was all my finger's fault. Anyway, the uncle gave me a free prata because I did a gay stunt with Terry. Taking the satay from his mouth. After that, Rajiv dragged me to a dark place and they beat me up. At first it was painful but after that it became like a massage because they were only kick my legs.

After that we all went to the bus stop and Gary climbed up there.

Suddenly, the police came out from nowhere and shot him in the head because they thought he was an alien. He was pronounced dead on the spot. I've to go for his funeral later.

I was just kidding about the police part.

Cooking Master Boy

Alright. On Sunday, I cooked my own dinner - for the first time. But it wouldn't be my last time because I believe in "practice makes perfect". Judging from that line, I think you should have found out how's the result of the food. I went down to the supermarket and bought these.

I packet of square stuffs on the top left is "tau pok". The one of the top right is obviously crab meat. The ball thing below is chicken ball. I was getting ready to cook and I found out something important was missing. Yes, the noodles. I forgot to buy the noodles! I ran to get it.

My sister came home and I was glad for that. If not I wouldn't even know how to cook the noodles and to think that I can manage everything myself. The picture you see above is the cooked noodles. We had a hard time debating on how to cook it.

We cut up the side dishes and prepared to cook it. Anyway, if you find this post boring, you will be surprised to hear that cooking is two times more boring than reading this. But, the eat the food you cook is a different story.

The end result look something like this. Except there is noodles. The noodles taste like... Let's just say chilli sauce taste nicer than the noodles alright? I'm going to cook again tomorrow - if my sister agrees to finish the food.

Bite Me

The dengue thing is getting more and more serious. Even my sister has it. I'm so worried that I might get bitten because my blood tastes like strawberry milk. Stupid Aedes mosquitoes. I wonder why mosquitoes suck blood, can't they just be normal and eat a bowl of laksa or something?

At least a bowl of laksa looks - and taste - nicer than a pool of blood right?

This isn't my blood of course. My blood is pink and tastes like strawberry milk. Really right? A bowl of laksa looks better than a pool of blood. Stupid mosquitoes, want to eat also don't know how to choose nice food. But we still respect the mosquitoes cause we still put pictures of Aedes in public areas. So unfair, we put pictures of them some more they still want bite us.

But having a lot of mosquitoes around is not a bad thing after all. It creates job for people. Don't believe me?

Government have to hire all these people to do such an easy job of spraying smoke around the area. You can play and still get paid! OH WAIT. What is Mani doing in the rubbish chute? Oh, I forgot. He stays there.

So remember, if you see such mosquito on your skin, think twice about killing it. But always remember, the mosquito won't think twice about biting you. It's life or your life? Think about it.

A Good Name

The name that is given to you is a very important one. It follows you unless for the rest of your life. So it's very important for your parents to choose a good name for you, if not people will make fun of your name.

Take for example, my baby brother. Amos Ang.

This little brat disturbs me when he grows up, I will definitely say "Fuck off Anus". Anyway, his name was chosen by me.

There's also my little sister. Lina Ang. I used to scold her "Gan Lina".

Sorry Ben, have to use your stead as an example. Who ask Shawn to take her picture today. Her name is Ruo Ping. We call her Robin for fun. Ben, I think I want to call you Batman already.

Next time, choose a good name for your kids!

Pose For You Pictures 2

People still did not take my warning about posing for your pictures if not you'll end up looking worse.
Taken secretly because Ben didn't want to take a picture. Too bad, now you look like this.

Once again, pose for your pictures. Else you'll end up looking like a big red tomato or in this case, Luo Han.